Woke up at 4. Yesterday was a whirl of...good memories. Yes, me and Tony did hook up, but it was so passionate and breath-taking that I can't regret it, at all. I went over at 2:30 in the afternoon, after having a breakdown when my mom yelled at me for still binging/purging. Sydnie was napping on his bed and he was sitting in a fuchsia circle chair, playing Skyrim. We watched him play for a little bit, maybe an hour or so, smoking two bowls and getting high, laughing at the confused sentences stumbling out of everyone's mouths. We especially found the game glitches amusing, the way his horse would float over the mountain surface as he tried (and succeeded!) in climbing a mountain with a fucking horse, haha.
He made his first move, sitting with me in that circular chair, a blanket folded over our legs. His warmth was tantalizing, and I felt so warm and secure being surrounded by my friends. When Sydnie left, we cuddled on the bed, and I gave him a back massage. The sexual tension was almost unbearable as he cradled my face and massaged my neck and shoulders. Our lips were so close, I could feel our breaths mingling. When we finally kissed, it was euphoric. It was so intense, the way he just grabbed me and tugged me over his body, gripping my body with his large, calloused hands, sliding them down, leaving a trail of fire. I think I might've cried out when his fingers wandered into that sweet crevice between my legs.
Thing is, I'm not sure if I love him romantically anymore. I do share a deep bond with him though. Call us nakama I guess, haha. My Bleach/Ichiruki fangirl heart be still!
He made his first move, sitting with me in that circular chair, a blanket folded over our legs. His warmth was tantalizing, and I felt so warm and secure being surrounded by my friends. When Sydnie left, we cuddled on the bed, and I gave him a back massage. The sexual tension was almost unbearable as he cradled my face and massaged my neck and shoulders. Our lips were so close, I could feel our breaths mingling. When we finally kissed, it was euphoric. It was so intense, the way he just grabbed me and tugged me over his body, gripping my body with his large, calloused hands, sliding them down, leaving a trail of fire. I think I might've cried out when his fingers wandered into that sweet crevice between my legs.
Thing is, I'm not sure if I love him romantically anymore. I do share a deep bond with him though. Call us nakama I guess, haha. My Bleach/Ichiruki fangirl heart be still!
The previous night, Tony and I had stayed up on the phone until nearly 6 in the morning. I had listened to him cry and I had sang Under the Bridge to him until he stopped. We cheered up as we went through his favorite music. Three Eye Blind, Gorillaz, Rage Against the Machine, RHCP. It was a lovely experience. It was almost movie-like, the way he stopped me to whisper that he loved me. I'm not sure about how I feel for him anymore, but I do know that I love him as a friend. I'm not sure if I love him as more, but I'm going to let time tell.
[1:49 pm]
Well, I completely failed that exam, haha. Najjam and I cheated/helped each other out, but I did most of the test by myself and only asked for one or two hints. Hahaha, I'm so bad at cheating. I can't stand getting something the dishonest way, but I did shoplift an apple strudel (it was pocket sized) from Marc's. Doy. I really don't like shoplifting/cheating, I hope I don't start these bad habits. Probably not cheating, since I'm an arrogant ass and I think my answers are way better than everyone else's, haha.
I got in a fight with my dad driving home and I cried and screamed and threw a fit. I'm so frustrated that no-one can help me except for myself. I'm strong though, I can handle it. I know I can, I need to step up to the plate and not listen to that voice inside my head that tells me I can't. Fuck that.
From now on, no more soda or sugary, processed foods. I can't stand that shit, it makes me bloat like no other and I feel gross, even after I purge it out.
CW: 92.8
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